The Turn Of The Century Electrotherapy Museum
(C) Jeff Behary 2011 

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Autobiography and Epitaph...


In my veins flow pure mercury
My teeth pure mahogany
I floss them with emery
Forgive the red stains...

My eyes green Uranium
My frame...not titanium
I'm rusting in vain
Like a snowman (in the rain)

Assembled from madness
from waste and disarray
Not once a treasure
Just an eyesore in dismay

My creator has vanished
Committed for his deeds
to Battlecreek Sanitarium
Now overgrown with weeds

Constrained in room...
Guarded by lock and key
Under radium blankets...

He died there alone
And left me to rust
A couple of decades
We'll both be just dust

Now I'm stuck in this alley
Weathered dusk to dawn
An unsightly fixture
For stray dogs to piss on...

Assembled from madness
From waste and disarray
A treasureless heap
Resigned to dismay.

One day I'll die in the middle of the week
On a day filled with rain in the middle of the street

My head hits the pavement Richochets off the curb
Made its last "thud" 
The brick before faded Stained with fresh blood

Useful am I Well its about fucking time
I've just painted the street The best canvas of mine

Sew my thumb to my nose
Point it up to the sky
Aimed at the clouds
For all passersby...

Sketches......on napkins

Weld the back of my hand to a vernier caliper
Thumb and forefinger: A Starett Micrometer
A number 7 drill...a 1/4-20 tap...
Can't imagine a nicer fate!
(If you want me to haunt you,
buy Harbor Freight)

My bones should be bakelite
My eyes should be glass
Uranium Oxide for all to see
(at least when there's UV)

Empty my skull And line it with velvet
some fluffy asbestos and vermiculite
Add some Crookes Tubes From 1896
A Fluoroscopy Screen...A Spinthariscope Sight

Sprinkle me with catnip Let the dog eat my cell phone
Add a couple of hairballs It'll feel just like home

Add some brass filings Strip wire with my teeth
Cauterise my skin into an intricate maze
Insert cloth covered cord...And run from 3 phase!

Some creativity, and thanks to John Jenkins for his appreciation of this...

(C) Jeff Behary , 2012